Random Thought #18

So here's how I figure it: In 2007 I could get hit by a very large truck and slammed into a glass building just to be thrown back out by an explosion causing me to land in a pile of razors rejected from the razor factory (because they are too sharp) and as I lay there screaming I am poked with various lawn care instruments by a bunch of prejudice hillbillies looking for dinner... And it would be the best year since 1997. Rock on!

Random Thought #17: Ass IQ

What is up with defining the intelligence of our ass? I mean... There's the dumbass, which I assume is bad. Then people call others a smartass (I get this a lot). But it seems like they use this as a bad thing as well. So even if my ass is smart or dumb it's still a bad thing?

I don't know about you, but I don't think my ass has an intelligence level. It's just a bunch of fat. A very big bunch, true...

Random Idea #19

You know how people say that so-and-so is such a great singer they could sing the phone book and it would be a hit? Someone should actually get one of these singers to sing the phone book and let these people who spread these stupid sayings shove that in their hat and smoke it... Or, light that and call it macaroni... Or... something. I forgot what I was talking about.

Random Idea #18

I think they should do a new version of The Cosby Show where Cliff is a garbage man, Claire is a maid, Theo is a drug dealer and the little girls are little prostitutes.

And, I think the Brady Bunch should be remade to where all the kids are a violent gang. And they could have a crossover episode with the Partridge Family and there could be a shootout. Florence Henderson and Shirley Jones could beat the shit out of each other in the background.

Random Thought #16: Carpenters

When I was younger I thought Jesus was the male member of the music group the Carpenters. And that Karen Carpenter was his sister. Everyone would say Jesus was a Carpenter... I just assumed.

Now I know better. Jesus is Mary Chapin Carpenter's husband.